United Mime Workers Silent on Presidential Endorsement

The union representing most of America’s “non-verbal, gestural, movement-centric” performers, the United Mime Workers, today continued its refusal to endorse formally any candidate for the presidency of the U.S. or, indeed, to answer any question put to it.

Responding to a reporter’s query at its weekly press conference, a “spokes”person for the group addressed the matter of the union’s preference for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, or John McCain by convincingly portraying a man carrying a heavy trunk on his back across a beach.

When challenged by another reporter, that the proffered answer did not actually deal with the issue, the union representative impersonated what onlookers took to be a seven-year-old eating an ice cream cone in a hurricane.

Reaction from the various presidential candidates was swift in coming. Senator John McCain noted, “The nation’s mime workers are a vital part of our nation’s security system of the nation, and a bulwark team of defensive front-line against Al Qaeda along the border, and, um, an important part of a nutritious breakfast. I am pleased to have their support even if they support no one.”

Senator Hillary Clinton, continuing what many view as a futile campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination, praised the mime workers “because they know what I have learned as I have listened to people all across this nation, which is that it’s not enough to make pretty speeches. Sometimes you have to stop talking and just act like a cat trying to walk up a sliding board. And that’s what I’ve been doing every single day.”

Front-running Democratic contender Barack Obama praised the mime workers’ “ability to do more than just talk, and to say so much by saying very little in the service of saying nothing at all.” Obama went on to declare that, in a McCain presidency, “life for mimes will be exactly as it has been under President Bush, except with more expensive leotards.”

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